Leaning How to Conference

At my school, we live by two rules: everything must be an acronym and conferences are the only way to spend your weekend. You pay hundreds of dollars to go to a hotel just down the road, spend a couple days listening to speakers, and then get assigned to sit at a table for dinner with eight to ten people you've never met. The perks are the evening socials, where a tacky theme is thrown at you and you then have to go drink and party with the awkward boy that sat beside you during dinner. Sounds really informative, right?

I signed up for two conferences this semester... just hoping that something would throw itself at me and I'd fall in love and plan my life and be happy ever after. One was marketing, one was philanthropy. I'll start with marketing since it was more expensive.


My friend that convinced me to apply had previously attended this conference, she knew the ropes, the executive committee, and even gave me a ride to the hotel (which was at the end of my street). We pulled in the first night to find out we were sharing a room with two pleasant girls from our opposing school, I actually like that school secretly, but only because it's in my home town. We all enjoyed a cocktail hour sponsored by a local wine company, then got to have dinner and listen to the head marketing director for Facebook Canada. I knew right there and then, that I was going to love conferences. The next two days were filled with meals accompanied by great wine, interesting people and delicious food between incredible speakers and a marketing challenge event. My team came in third for that event. I've never been so proud. At the end of the weekend, I walked away with so many new connections and ideas, that I decided to look further into the world of social media and it's implications. I also made an incredibly embarrassing joke about how the chocolate ice cream was so delicious that it would be perfect for PMS saviour...

Note: Do not reference menstrual cycles when conferencing. It's inappropriate even AFTER cocktail hour.


I was on cloud nine and a half after that weekend. I became obsessed with Facebook, Twitter, and was on a mission to see every great advertising campaign possible. I used the word "priceless" in every day language and critiqued anybody who told me otherwise. Conclusion: conferencing is totally priceless.


Then came the next weekend...


The second conference I attended was on philanthropy. To be honest, I had zero clue as to what philanthropy was. I knew that Carnegie was a philanthropist and he had a music hall, and I really just got dragged along by my friends who had helped plan it. I recognized many delegates from the weekend before, but they seemed much less talkative this time around. The speakers were dry, lacking innovation, and the food was mediocre. We watched a movie on Africa and a community working through life with AIDS. That was the highlight of this conference, which says a lot. I decided I wanted to be rich and this was not the way to do it; I was not going to be a philanthropist. They didn't even give us free stuff... did I mention that the marketing conference gave us two hundred dollars worth of swag? Conclusion: When I'm rich, I'll open a music hall.


At the end of my back-to-back conference experience, I learned many things to do and not to do when conferencing. Here's some advice for your future endeavors.


How to Conference 101:
1. Always pay attention when somebody shakes your hand. They're probably telling you their name. Humans are overloaded with sensory information and 80% of the time, you won't remember their name after they connect their hand with yours. Also, make sure you don't go to shake hands like you're a little old lady holding a heavy handbag. You know what I mean. It's horrid.
2. When you're given drink tickets, USE THEM. You have 2 hours of awkward conversation to deal with. Alcohol helps.
3. Dress fabulous. This is a runway. Nobody cares what you have to say. You're just like every other student there. The better you look, the more likely you are to succeed at this weekend.
4. Always go to the bathroom before the speaker starts talking. When they're presenting, you're stuck in the room for the entire time. There will definitely be a million questions asked after they're done speaking, so you can count on peeing your pants if you get caught there.
5. Network as much as possible. Talk about whatever you can, let anyone possible know who you are and really listen to what they have to say. Chances are, somebody there has the ability to help you in the future and they'll love what they see. Alcohol is not endorsed for this section of the conference, try to stick to caffeine so you don't make any references to menstrual cycles.


There you have it. The undergraduate's guide to success at conferencing. Go out, network hard, look fab, and learn lots. You might just stumble upon a career, or better yet, a great glass of wine.